Sneak peek - photography session with Doug Jantz!

Happy Tuesday, ya'll! 

I check in with my coach on Tuesdays and Saturdays.  I got up this morning and weighed and measured myself first thing, and while the scale didn't reveal much, the mirror is being kind to me.  :)  I'm fighting hard to see the number on the scale represented as 13X prior to going into peak week, but I'm not going to get hung up on a number.  I can see tremendous gains in  muscle from the past year of consistently lifting heavy, and I know that my weight will reflect that.  I will never see the 12X again - and for that, I'm thankful!  I still have high hopes for Saturday's weigh-in, though, when the scale is typically kinder to me.   I'll just say, too - my coach has NEVER represented my goal as an ideal weight.  He goes by what he sees in my pictures and week-to-week progress - that number goal is mine and mine alone.  

I had a blast shooting with Doug Jantz at a chilly photo shoot Friday.  It wasn't my first photo shoot, but I haven't done a whole lot of them, so it's always a little nerve-wracking going into one - for me, at least.  This time, it was even more so - I made the decision to take my little girl, and I decided to go in authentically me:  no hair extensions, no tan, no fake nails...I did my own makeup and the only thing that wasn't mine were the eyelashes!  These photos were about so much more than creating the facade of who I want the world to perceive me as.  They represent the genuine, vulnerable me - my life in Christ, my passion for my little girl/family and being fit, and being gloriously imperfect.  Here are a few samples:

 

In a world of filters, photoshop, and "selfie perfection", I would be lying if I said I didn't have reservations about sharing pasty white pics of myself on the internet to live on forever and ever.   I didn't dehydrate, carb up, or do anything special for these photos.  I ate breakfast that morning, ate a massive pre-workout meal, trained legs, and ate a massive post-workout meal...all BEFORE this shoot.  This is how I look, every day, around 6 in the evening.  This is ME.  

In my heart, I know the calling and passion God has given me.  I know that if I want to empower women to embrace themselves in all their glorious, unique beauty, if I desire to motivate women to be powerful ambassadors for Christ, I must lead by example.  I have to let faith be my guide, not fear.  My prayer is that all the women (and men!) reading this blog would be encouraged to be themselves, and to let the glory of God shine through them in all that they do, even the unglamourous, mundane tasks.  Be you.  Be happy.  Be bold...for Christ!  

I hope you all have a fabulous week.  Until next time...

TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR FAITH

F

  

The Hunger is Real!!

Good afternoon!  Sundays are for family and housework in our family.  (Although instead of housework, I'm enjoying another cup of coffee in front of my kitchen window right now!)  Today we'll head off to church, enjoy some time time together, and I'll work on whittling down the ever-present pile of laundry and prep some veggies for the week.

It's been a bit busy around here.  I haven't posted in a while, so I have quite a bit to share today.  The first is a new recipe.  The hunger is real, folks.  I've reached that point in my prep diet where I'm getting lean, and of course, my body fights that.  It is what it is.  Competing in bodybuilding shows involves dieting to a typically unnaturally lean state - I don't walk around looking stage-ready all the time - so I'm going to have some hunger.  

And - truthfully, I'm dieting.  If you're currently eating in a caloric deficit, you should expect to be hungry at times.  I expect it.  I don't want to sugarcoat things and be like, "look at me, I ain't even sufferin".  (I'm NOT suffering, but I am drinking a ton of water and using some serious will power to make it through those late-night chocolate cravings!)  My pastor said something once that really stuck with me, and I've found immense truth in this statement:

"Saying 'no' empowers us."  

That is one of the things I love about bodybuilding.  Developing my self-control in the gym - pushing through fatigue, bad days, giving effort when I didn't feel like I could or have the desire to - and exercising self-discipline in my nutrition has spilled over in life.  I am more motivated outside the gym because of what I learned about myself inside the gym and the skills I developed there.

I also prefer a lot of whole, unprocessed foods because I feel better when I eat them - more alert, more energy, less digestive issues.  I incorporate them into recipes all the time.  That's not to say I don't enjoy treats, too - because anyone who knows me knows that my Achilles heel rests smack in the center of a gooey, warm chocolate chip cookie.   More of that "balance" I like to talk so much about.  =P

So what's a dieting girl who loves food and loves to eat to do?!

Create new recipes and try new things, of course!

This fantastic dish hit the spot at 32g protein, 19g carbs, and 2g fat and just a little over 300 calories.  At this point, I'm interested in volume of food - pasta is nice, but I need more than a 1/4 cup serving size!  (I told you, this girl likes to eat!)  I picked up a package of Nasoya Pasta Zero Plus, and used it in this recipe.  I hadn't tried it before, but at 7g carbs for the entire package, I was willing to give it a shot!  I'll be honest, the texture is different, so if that's important to you, you may not like these.  I couldn't eat it in a marinara with a meatball, that's for sure, but with different textures incorporated, it was delicious and filling.  Win-win!

And yes, I know my turkey looks weird.  I cook all my turkey as burgers so it's easy to eat on the go, and crumble it later if I need to.  Who has time for spoons?  Not this busy mama!

Spicy Turkey Spaghetti

4.5oz 99% Fat Free Ground Turkey Breast
1 package Nasoya Pasta Zero Plus spaghetti (166g)
1 small yellow squash, thinly sliced (133g)
1/4 cup Light Ragu Tomato & Basil pasta sauce (66g)
Cajun spice blend to taste (or other preferred seasoning)
(makes 1 serving)

I cooked my turkey burgers first, seasoning them generously with Cajun spices. Saute the sliced squash in a non-stick skillet over medium heat for about 2 minutes or until half-done.  Add the spaghetti noodles and cook another 3-4 minutes, until the squash is cooked through to your desired texture and the noodles appear dry.  Add in the pasta sauce, more Cajun seasoning if desired (I did!), and cook about a minute, until heated through.  Transfer from skillet to serving dish and top with turkey.

Enjoy!  This was nice and spicy and had a good heat to it.  I really liked it and will be making it again!

Until next time...

TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR FAITH

F

Never, ever, EVER give up!

Well hello, y'all!  It's been quite a while since I shared my crazy thoughts with you.  I just wanted to post a quick update so you know I'm alive, and I wanted to let you know to be watching for more posts!

Life has been hectic.  Since January, I feel like I have devoted at least half my energy to putting out fires and surviving the challenges thrown at me.   My father spent quite a bit of time in the hospital, my little girl has battled pneumonia and other winter illnesses, and in general, the winter blues hit me hard.  I have survived, though!  I kept my eyes above the waves and plowed through every obstacle with God.  

My Fueled by Faith challenge came to an abrupt halt after January.  Below freezing temps, tons of snow, rain, and ice, and the above-mentioned life events really impacted my ability to get out and train.  This month, though, I've taken up biking.  I have managed to bike at least one a week this month, and I love it!!  The furthest I've gone is about 2 miles, but considering I'd already done HIIT cardio and trained legs on biking day, it's a wonder I even survived at all!  I don't know what next month will be, but I'm going to stick with it.  I have to say, being unable to do what I say I'm going to do never sits well with me.  This has been a huge lesson in "progress > perfection" for me.  As long as I'm pushing for progress, trying to be the best I can in all aspects, I am moving forward.  Life never goes as planned!  

Speaking of "progress is greater than perfection"...one last thing before I wrap this up!  I'm 4.5 weeks out from my next show.  There were so many times I could have given up, and nobody would have blamed me for it or thought less of me.  There were days I couldn't get a workout in.  There were days I was at the hospital and I made it work with vending machine food.  (Not ideal, but I made it work!  Flexible dieting FTW!)  There were days when I had no energy, no motivation, and my workouts were mostly going through the motions.  EVERYONE HAS THOSE SEASONS.  Don't allow them to stop you from the pursuit of your goals.  I will be sharing progress pics and a few shameless selfies in the next post so you can see a glimpse of what I'm bringing to the stage in April, because in spite of all the pitfalls that could have been my downfall, I pushed forward, and I'm hoping to bring the best package to date in a few short weeks.   This was my ab self on Sunday morning:

Never, ever, EVER give up!!  

Until next time...

TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR FAITH

F

On Anniversaries and Progress: 2013

Oh boy...it's been a hot minute since I posted!  As I sat down a few days ago to give my two year old and me a fresh pedicure, I realized just how hectic life has been.  I was long overdue for that pedicure, and the TEN loads of laundry I washed, dried, folded, and put away last weekend were a huge reminder of the state of my household:  chaotic and messy!  But, 'tis the season, and the reason for the season: Jesus,  love, and loving your neighbor!  I spent time with family and friends, I got away on a little vacation with extended family, I made holiday treats, and of course, I spent time selecting a few gifts for some very special people in my life.  I've also stayed active, lifting and doing yoga, but I'll be honest -  I didn't find an activity to do for Fueled by Faith in December.   I didn't have a lot of time, and I did my best to balance my life.  At the end of the day, I did pretty well with that, and that is a huge victory for me.

Today is a special day for me.  It marks exactly one year since I began training with my current coach, Layne Norton.  I found out on December 6th that I was going to be working with him, but between him needing my information and my hesitancy to start (and stick with) something so new to me - counting macros and flexible dieting - my first official day "on-plan" was December 29, 2012.  

You might have noticed I said I "found out" I was going to be working with Layne.  I didn't actually hire Layne.   If you want my honest opinion of how our partnership came to be, my answer is simple:  it was  God thing.

I have done every single one of my preps on my own, with the exception of USAs in the summer of 2012.  I had briefly hired a coach early in 2012, but I realized quickly it was a mistake.  We didn't see eye to eye on training methodologies, and I couldn't sell out to him - I didn't trust him with my body.  After winding down my 2012 competition season, though, I knew I needed someone I could trust.  I never got too crazy with cardio or nutrition, but I did do some of the things I cringe at now - 90 minutes of steady state cardio 3+ times a week, ridiculously low carbs, lifting lighter, no sodium, "clean" eating.  I have learned the error of my ways!  I digress.  My metabolism wasn't trashed but I wasn't on a good path, and balance was a thing of the past.  Eat/binge cycles, gaining ridiculous weight in the offseason, a horrible relationship with my body image and food - it had to stop.

I actually applied for a few sponsorships, and checked out a few coaches locally who I knew employed flexible dieting/IIFYM/balanced approaches, but I never found the right fit.  Of course, everything was prayerfully considered.  I remember being disappointed when I wasn't selected for the sponsorship.  I remember the words I prayed both before and after the winners were announced, and I remember being hugely disappointed.

Not long after that, on a forum for female physique athletes, a friend of mine posted that she was giving away a ten week nutrition and training program with Layne.  Now, obviously I knew who Layne was.  You  had to live under a rock to not know this guy.  But I didn't feel worthy of his services, and I had never even considered hiring him.  For crying out loud, this guy had worked with Ava Cowan.  I have her freakin' poster in my bathroom as motivation!  I didn't feel like I was of the caliber and quality of athlete that Layne freakin' Norton would work with.   I didn't put my bid out in the thread on the topic, because I felt like it was such a small chance.  I did email the woman doing the giveaway to tell her how selfless she was being, and privately I told her what a good opportunity it would be for someone and told her I wanted it.  In the end, I was given the ten weeks.  It changed my life forever.  I don't think that woman - Staci - or Layne realize just blessed I was by that decision.  It was a God thing.

I compared my progress photos a few weeks ago - the ones I started with and the most current ones.  I'm not fond of sharing pictures of myself in less-than-stage condition, but I know it definitely interests the reader.  Here they are, side-by-side:

The first photo was taken 1/4/13, just a few days after starting with Layne, and the second was taken 11/28/13, my most recent progress pic.

There have been times in my journey where I felt discouraged, disappointed, and a failure.  Most recently, when I wasn't able to squat and having put on more weight than I expected post-show, I had all but given up in my heart.  In fact, as I looked at my life in general, I didn't achieve the things I expected to or even wind up close to where I'd anticipated - not in my business, not in my ministry, not in bodybuilding.

These pictures, though - they changed my perspective.  I HAVE improved.  I have lats!  I have a booty!  I have shape, I'm leaner, and I learned so much.

It's funny to me that so many people think they need to obtain self discipline or motivation to begin taking care of their bodies.  The truth is, the physical training has not only strengthened my body, it's strengthened my mind.  If I had never worked with Layne, I wouldn't have been able to find balance again.  It takes work, and there are times when it's anything but easy - but I have managed to strike a balance between motherhood, marriage, work, ministry, play, and my passion - bodybuilding.  As I look back on my  year, I know that this was all part of God's incredible plan.  I know that all the things Layne has taught me - the greatest of which is balance - are preparing me for even greater things.   I'm not looking for perfection, I just want to make progress.  I'm not afraid of setbacks, only of not standing up after I fall.  I no longer battle the woman in the mirror.  I love her, and I appreciate all of her glorious strengths and weaknesses.  (For more empowering, motivational stuff, you have to visit my teammate Brooke's facebook page.  It's good stuff!)

When I began this journey, I saw myself as a fitness role model and athlete with great faith and Christian values.  My goals were shaped around this, my plans where formed on this basis - but as I sit here, writing this now, I know in my heart I was so short-sighted.  Today, I know in my heart that someday, I want to be a minister.  I don't know where, or to whom I will minister - I just know that I will.  I love people.  I have a heart for women, and my passion is fitness.  A year ago, I only saw that as physical wellness - but today, I view health and fitness as a whole - mind, body, and spirit.    My business has direction.  My ministry has direction.  I am not where I expected to be, but I have made progress, and I have clearer vision and direction about where I'm going.  I realize I'm in preparation for something incredible, and time spent in preparation is never time wasted.

In the past year, I've gained the knowledge and guidance I need to achieve my bodybuilding goals...but I've also gained so much more than that.   I have the drive and fortitude to step out and go confidently after the things of my heart, to pursue the things that make my heart pound and start the whispers of doubt.   This ministry thing - it's one of those things that creates whispers of doubt.  Before I accepted Jesus, I didn't make good decisions.  I wasn't the person I am today.  I know that people who knew the woman I was will doubt I truly am the woman I've become.  The woman the critics and doubters knew...she would have wavered in her belief of herself and not pursued the desires of her heart.  The woman I am and the woman I'm becoming - she isn't afraid.  I've grabbed hold of that fear and tossed it aside.  I'm moving confidently - BOLDLY - in the direction of my future and dreams in 2014.

Today, on the anniversary of a seemingly small change in my life, I'm thankful.  I'm thankful to God for his blessings and his ways, which are greater than mine, and I'm thankful to Jesus for the gift of salvation and for creating in me a pure heart.  I'm also incredibly thankful to Layne - for teaching me to pursue my goals confidently, for helping me believe in myself, and for restoring balance.

There are lots of changes comes.  Look for new blog entries here, soon!, and changes to my facebook page to keep you up to date.  Until then...

TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR FAITH

F

The Fruit of Expectation

Not too many entries ago, in my entry titled Silver Linings, I wrote that God had used the time that I was sick to revitalize my spirit and free me from the chains of my own expectations.

I also confessed recently that my mind and my body are usually in go-go-go mode, keeping me from being fully present and aware and BLESSED by each moment.    I confessed that yoga had helped me find my center and calm, to be fully present in the moment and what I'm doing - it helped me figure out how to stop my mind's endless activity and just be.

I don't know if you, the reader, fully grasp how difficult mono was, and still is, for me!  It took what yoga did for me, mentally, on a small scale, and impressed it upon me large-scale - physically.   The two weeks I spent as a virtual fixture of my own couch were rough.  I was forced to lean on God.  The busy-ness of my life ceased.  I did only what I needed to do, whether it was my business, my lifegroup, my family and friends.  I was exhausted easily and napped frequently.  I battle anxiety, and it can be especially bad when I don't have the opportunity to be physically active.   Even now, weeks later, I still have days where I'm just wiped out - zero energy - and I feel horrible because nothing around my house gets done, client updates go unread, and workouts are missed.

I was battling a case of the post comp blues when I got sick, and that lead balloon that sank my heart - that mono diagnosis - was certainly not helping improve my attitude.  I saw piles of laundry and dishes as a testament to how horrible my housekeeping skills were.  I was irritated I couldn't run the errands and be as efficient at knocking tasks off my to-do list as I usually was.  I was disappointed I couldn't do the little things I take pride in doing for others.  I was angry - no, PISSED - that I couldn't work out.   All of those negative emotions added up in a big way and began to change the way I saw myself - how I valued myself and where I found my worth.

One day last week, in frustration, I was pleading my case before God.  I was tired of being sick and without energy.  I missed the gym.   I missed my life.  And most importantly, I was letting people down.

"Who are you letting down?"  

As plain as day, I saw the thought in my mind.  I finished my prayers, but I got my journal back out and wrote a few thoughts down, including that phrase.  I came back to it several times over the course of the day, and now, reading through my journal, I can see that I prayed about it quite a bit, too.  

It was just this past Friday that I realized I was the only one with expectations of me.  My husband hadn't expected a clean house or me to surprise him with dinner.  My little girl was content to be curled up on the couch reading books all day, and my clients and lifegroup sisters were content with the effort I could give them.  My coach wasn't upset with me that I couldn't get in a workout.  I had been shown mercy and compassion at every step.  It was my own expectations that created feelings of disappointment or discouragement, and it is my own expectations that hold me back in so many other areas of my life.  I have found myself discouraged because I expected things to go a certain way; I have found myself angry because I expected other people to behave differently than they did; I have been disappointed because I expected to receive things I didn't.  

The fruit of expectation is disappointment - in fact, I believe disappointment grows in the space between expected outcomes and actual outcomes. (For you math junkies, like me, that looks like this:  Perceived/expected outcome - actual outcome = DISAPPOINTMENT.)  I expected to transition to my offseason plan without much weight gain and with heavy squatting again.  I am by no means even close to overweight, but I haven't stayed as lean as I'd hoped, and I'm just now doing body weight squats without pain.  That certainly created some disappointment for me.  When I was sick, I took the time to look over my goals from last year, and I can say that out of the 10 or so I set, I only met three.  At first glance, I was frustrated because I expected to achieve my goal - 3 out of ten ain't great, ya'll.  If you're a math junkie, too, you know that's 30%.  I get upset with myself when I lose my temper with Kenna.  "She's only two, Felicia...way to teach your toddler love and compassion."  I expect myself to be a better wife.  I get angry and I lose my cool - like every human on earth does at one point in their lifetime - but I expect more of myself, and that unmet expectation breeds shame.  

Proverbs 16:9 in the GNT reads "You may make your plans, but God directs your actions."  In the NLT it is written, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."  

What an incredible reminder.  God has a plan for me, but I can't see it.  I'm very guilty of being given a glimpse of my future - of His wonderful plan for me - and running wildly ahead of Him, of getting out of His will and plans.  I can make my plans, but God directs my steps.  He knows where He is taking me, and His plan is always better than anything I'm capable of doing on my own.   

I've learned two very important things in the past few weeks.  The first is that expectation - like all things in life - isn't a bad thing or a good thing.  It simply is what it is.  As I looked back over my 2013 goals, most of them unmet, I realized that although I didn't earn IFBB pro status...I learned a lot about myself, I found a new passion for competing, and I found a federation where I feel I finally fit and I can have fun.  As a wise man named Garth once sang, "thank God for unanswered prayers!"  If I'm so set on achieving and fulfilling my expectations for my life that I'm not open to other ideas or new goals, one of two things are going to happen.  

1.  I'm going to miss out on the incredible plan God has for me.  

2.  I'm going to create and foster negative feelings about who I am and where my worth comes from.

I don't know about you, but sometimes the fruit of expectation was bitter for me.  The awesome truth, though, is that it doesn't have to be that way!  I'm ready to harvest different fruits, and that means letting go of my own expectations and trusting God.  It means being constantly aware of who I am, WHOSE I am, and what my purpose is.  

The other very important lesson I learned stems from the yoga.  I believe when God presents us with a lesson repeatedly, it's important.  Take note.  Share about what it taught you so that others might find comfort in what you've learned.  Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians, "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us" (1:4 NLT).  One of the things God revealed to me over and over, beginning with the yoga class, is that I have to slow down.  Enjoy life.  Stop the thought trains, stop the activity, and just be.  I've been spending a lot of time doing it and it's made me lighter on my feet.  It's brought peace to me.  It's good for the soul and the spirit.  I am worthy because of who I am in Christ, not because of performance and certainly not because of perfection.  Being able to find peace and joy in simply being drove that lesson home for me.  Part of the reason for the delay of this entry was I just felt silly sharing all of this...but I read through Corinthians the other day, and I was convicted.  If He has comforted me through this lesson - then surely I must share so others might be comforted. 

Until next time...

TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR FAITH

F

My inner yogini

Now that you know why I disappeared, I'm sure you'll be merciful when I tell you that I didn't do a whole lot of anything while I was sick.  I certainly didn't get my weekly yoga practicing in!

If you remember, I'm doing the Fueled by Faith challenge: I pick a new physical activity that I've never tried each month, and I commit doing whatever each month's activity is at least once a week.  I started in October with an at-home yoga DVD.  That escalated to a standing weekly yoga date with my future-yoga-instructor friend Janie.  (We started up again this week, for the record.)  Somehow, she and I decided we were going to take a hot yoga class.  A real hot yoga class.   I've never taken ANY real, full-length class, not even a  regular yoga class...and here I was, talking about hot yoga.

We picked a studio that had a good time for both of us and committed to going.  The classes at the particular studio we selected include a series of 26 different poses performed either once (60 minute session) or twice (90 minutes session) in a 105 degree studio.  We decided on the sixty minute class since neither of us was  sure we had the endurance to last 90 minutes in 105 degrees.  Truthfully, I wasn't sure I had the flexibility for 26 poses or the endurance for 60 minutes, but I was going to give it my best shot.  It scared me a little.  That meant I had to.  Faith > fear, remember?

The morning of, I had a coffee date with my bff Krystine, and I roped her into going with Janie and me.  We went, and we enjoyed it!! It was tough at first - the heat was heavy and took some getting used to.  Janie and I looked at each other with a "yea, right" glance when the instructor told us that after having done hot yoga, we would never want to do yoga any other way.  I was sweating instantly, and when I sweat, there's nothing lady-like about me.  My towel was soaked through, as was my hair and clothing.  I was amazed at not only how I was able to do most of the poses - I mean, I'm shocked at what my body could do!! - but how I truly didn't notice anybody but myself in the room.  One of my huge fears of fitness classes is that others will watch me or see that I'm not good at something.  People really don't notice that you look like a madwoman when you're doing your burpees or that you make funny faces when you lift heavy weight or that you modified that pose because your leg just does not got that direction.  -_-   It was uncomfortable for me at first, staring at my body in the mirror for so long - I was very self-conscious of my form, of my flexibility, and of my body in general.  I didn't expect that - to be uncomfortable watching myself in the mirror - but within 20 minutes, that discomfort had vanished as I was impressed, again and again, at the power, balance, and strength of my body.  

More than anything, though, I was astonished at how I was able to stop thinking and just be for most of that 60 minutes.  I have a very active mind.  It's often hard for me to slow down and enjoy the moment.  If I'm resting, I'm usually thinking about what I need to do tomorrow, about this client or that workout or this message or that text or cooking dinner.  In my training, I recently found myself in a place where I saw each workout as a step from point A (where I was) to point B (achieving my physique and competing goals).   Living that way takes the joy out of each moment.  Those sixty minutes of yoga were so freeing - from thoughts, worries, from life - just breathing and movement.   At the end of class, the instructor opened a door that allowed cool air into the room to dance across our sweaty bodies as we lay on our backs.  My back and legs felt amazingly stretched out and loose, better than any sports therapy message. It was incredible.  I fell in love with hot yoga during the first class.   I will probably practice yoga at least once a week for the rest of my life.

I haven't been back yet, but I'm planning to go again with Janie over Christmas break.  The three of us still laugh and giggle about the experience and how great it was.   I conquered a fear, forged tighter bonds with my sisters in Christ, and found my inner peace and yogini.  Faith is definitely the best fuel for life.

As far as my Fueled by Faith challenge, I decided to stick with yoga for the month of October and November.  I'm picking a new activity for December soon, and need suggestions!!  Feel free to share yours!

Until next time....

TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR FAITH

Silver Linings

It's been a wild ride for me these past few weeks.  I know my blogs have been pretty well nonexistent, so thanks for sticking with me if you have, and if you're new...Welcome!!

Midway through October, I got sick.  I couldn't kick it - it kept me down a week and I just wasn't getting any better, and my throat was killing me.  After a doctor's visit and some labwork, I was diagnosed with mono.  I knew I had been tired, but I wasn't sleeping as much, I had a lot of obligations, and in general, life was a  little hectic - so I dismissed being tired as a lifestyle factor.   What I didn't know about mono until that day is that it actually causes inflammation of your spleen, and in order to keep it from bursting, I was ordered no contact sports and no heavy lifting - iron or otherwise.

Now, if I'm being honest, I was already in a little funk.  A lot of women struggle with "post comp blues", for various reasons, and I'm one of them.  I don't suffer terribly from it, but there is usually a two week period where I struggle to find new balance.  Training volume usually decreases, and I have to find new ways to fill my time and rebalance my schedule; you do come down from all those endorphins eventually, and when you do, after the excitement wears off and you don't have another goal to pursue or chase, you find yourself...a little blue.  I'm still unable to squat, and that frustrates me.  I enjoy squatting.  I enjoy heavy lifting.  And I expect to be able to do it.  Modified training is hard - don't get me wrong, I'm not taking away from the intensity of what I'm currently doing, but it just isn't the same for me.  And I expect more of my body than to be injured and remain that way for so long, especially with proper care and treatment.   It was a disappointing start to my offseason, to say the least.

The news that I couldn't lift caused my disappointment-heavy heart to sink faster than a lead balloon.   I expect to be able to workout - I mean, even if I can't squat, a workout is a workout!  And my workout is my outlet for aggression, my endorphin-boosting attitude adjustment, my frustration killer.  It's the only thing I've ever found to curb my anxiety.   And I wouldn't be able to for ten days, minimum - but maybe even longer.

Needless to say, I was a little worried.  Being physically inactive makes me restless, irritable, and anxious.  Not real pleasant for my little family, and not a happy way to exist.  I went home that afternoon from the doctor and took up residence on the couch.  Over the next two weeks, I did only enough housework to keep from causing any of us to have to go naked or hungry.  I fulfilled only the committments I had to or felt convicted to.  And because it helps with anxiety, bad attitudes, and frustrations too, I read the Bible.  A lot.

I have a relatively new Bible that my husband bought me as a gift just a few months ago.  It's a New Living Translation.  I know some people prefer more 'accurate' translations or 'traditional' translations, but I really enjoy the NLT.   I like it because it reads almost literally the way I would talk.  It's easy to comprehend.  Prior to that, I had a NIV that I got in high school.  Reading through my new Bible has been like reading a whole new book - things that didn't necessarily 'stick' with me before or stand out do now.  The day after I found out I had mono, I curled up on the couch with my Bible and hot coffee during Kenna's nap time and began reading in 1 Timothy 4.  Verse eight nearly jumped off the page at me:

Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and the life to come.

I was convicted.  If I couldn't work on my physical training, I would work on my spiritual training.  And I did.

It's amazing how faithful God is in His promises to us.  A verse I've come to love in my lifetime is Romans 8:28.  I have seen over and over in my life how God will take a bad time or experience and work it for my good.  He did it again just recently, taking the time I spent sick and without energy for anything to revitalize my spirit, to free me from the chains of my own expectations, to hone my focus, and to refresh my perspective.  I'm not taking my health for granted anymore, and trust me, it's easy to do - it's only when we lose our health and physical abilities that we realize just how precious they are.   Being sick with mono reminded me to be thankful for my health and for what I am able to do, and to stop being frustrated with where I am and what I can't do.  It helped me kick those post-comp blues...eventually!  Mono gave me a  physical timeout that allowed me to focus intensely on my spiritual walk, and I'm better because of that!!  There really is always a silver lining.

I'm healthy now, and back at the grind.   I have more blogs just waiting to be published and I hope you'll come back to read them.

Until then....

TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL  YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR FAITH

F