Today is a special day for me. It marks exactly one year since I began training with my current coach, Layne Norton. I found out on December 6th that I was going to be working with him, but between him needing my information and my hesitancy to start (and stick with) something so new to me - counting macros and flexible dieting - my first official day "on-plan" was December 29, 2012.
You might have noticed I said I "found out" I was going to be working with Layne. I didn't actually hire Layne. If you want my honest opinion of how our partnership came to be, my answer is simple: it was God thing.
I have done every single one of my preps on my own, with the exception of USAs in the summer of 2012. I had briefly hired a coach early in 2012, but I realized quickly it was a mistake. We didn't see eye to eye on training methodologies, and I couldn't sell out to him - I didn't trust him with my body. After winding down my 2012 competition season, though, I knew I needed someone I could trust. I never got too crazy with cardio or nutrition, but I did do some of the things I cringe at now - 90 minutes of steady state cardio 3+ times a week, ridiculously low carbs, lifting lighter, no sodium, "clean" eating. I have learned the error of my ways! I digress. My metabolism wasn't trashed but I wasn't on a good path, and balance was a thing of the past. Eat/binge cycles, gaining ridiculous weight in the offseason, a horrible relationship with my body image and food - it had to stop.
I actually applied for a few sponsorships, and checked out a few coaches locally who I knew employed flexible dieting/IIFYM/balanced approaches, but I never found the right fit. Of course, everything was prayerfully considered. I remember being disappointed when I wasn't selected for the sponsorship. I remember the words I prayed both before and after the winners were announced, and I remember being hugely disappointed.
Not long after that, on a forum for female physique athletes, a friend of mine posted that she was giving away a ten week nutrition and training program with Layne. Now, obviously I knew who Layne was. You had to live under a rock to not know this guy. But I didn't feel worthy of his services, and I had never even considered hiring him. For crying out loud, this guy had worked with Ava Cowan. I have her freakin' poster in my bathroom as motivation! I didn't feel like I was of the caliber and quality of athlete that Layne freakin' Norton would work with. I didn't put my bid out in the thread on the topic, because I felt like it was such a small chance. I did email the woman doing the giveaway to tell her how selfless she was being, and privately I told her what a good opportunity it would be for someone and told her I wanted it. In the end, I was given the ten weeks. It changed my life forever. I don't think that woman - Staci - or Layne realize just blessed I was by that decision. It was a God thing.
I compared my progress photos a few weeks ago - the ones I started with and the most current ones. I'm not fond of sharing pictures of myself in less-than-stage condition, but I know it definitely interests the reader. Here they are, side-by-side:
The first photo was taken 1/4/13, just a few days after starting with Layne, and the second was taken 11/28/13, my most recent progress pic.
There have been times in my journey where I felt discouraged, disappointed, and a failure. Most recently, when I wasn't able to squat and having put on more weight than I expected post-show, I had all but given up in my heart. In fact, as I looked at my life in general, I didn't achieve the things I expected to or even wind up close to where I'd anticipated - not in my business, not in my ministry, not in bodybuilding.
These pictures, though - they changed my perspective. I HAVE improved. I have lats! I have a booty! I have shape, I'm leaner, and I learned so much.
It's funny to me that so many people think they need to obtain self discipline or motivation to begin taking care of their bodies. The truth is, the physical training has not only strengthened my body, it's strengthened my mind. If I had never worked with Layne, I wouldn't have been able to find balance again. It takes work, and there are times when it's anything but easy - but I have managed to strike a balance between motherhood, marriage, work, ministry, play, and my passion - bodybuilding. As I look back on my year, I know that this was all part of God's incredible plan. I know that all the things Layne has taught me - the greatest of which is balance - are preparing me for even greater things. I'm not looking for perfection, I just want to make progress. I'm not afraid of setbacks, only of not standing up after I fall. I no longer battle the woman in the mirror. I love her, and I appreciate all of her glorious strengths and weaknesses. (For more empowering, motivational stuff, you have to visit my teammate Brooke's facebook page. It's good stuff!)
When I began this journey, I saw myself as a fitness role model and athlete with great faith and Christian values. My goals were shaped around this, my plans where formed on this basis - but as I sit here, writing this now, I know in my heart I was so short-sighted. Today, I know in my heart that someday, I want to be a minister. I don't know where, or to whom I will minister - I just know that I will. I love people. I have a heart for women, and my passion is fitness. A year ago, I only saw that as physical wellness - but today, I view health and fitness as a whole - mind, body, and spirit. My business has direction. My ministry has direction. I am not where I expected to be, but I have made progress, and I have clearer vision and direction about where I'm going. I realize I'm in preparation for something incredible, and time spent in preparation is never time wasted.
In the past year, I've gained the knowledge and guidance I need to achieve my bodybuilding goals...but I've also gained so much more than that. I have the drive and fortitude to step out and go confidently after the things of my heart, to pursue the things that make my heart pound and start the whispers of doubt. This ministry thing - it's one of those things that creates whispers of doubt. Before I accepted Jesus, I didn't make good decisions. I wasn't the person I am today. I know that people who knew the woman I was will doubt I truly am the woman I've become. The woman the critics and doubters knew...she would have wavered in her belief of herself and not pursued the desires of her heart. The woman I am and the woman I'm becoming - she isn't afraid. I've grabbed hold of that fear and tossed it aside. I'm moving confidently - BOLDLY - in the direction of my future and dreams in 2014.
Today, on the anniversary of a seemingly small change in my life, I'm thankful. I'm thankful to God for his blessings and his ways, which are greater than mine, and I'm thankful to Jesus for the gift of salvation and for creating in me a pure heart. I'm also incredibly thankful to Layne - for teaching me to pursue my goals confidently, for helping me believe in myself, and for restoring balance.
There are lots of changes comes. Look for new blog entries here, soon!, and changes to my facebook page to keep you up to date. Until then...
TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR FAITH
F
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