I promised earlier this week a post about why I've been so hit-and-miss. I think in order to explain that, I have to talk a little bit about balance.
I'm not any different than any other person in the world. I wear many hats - too many at times, I'm sure - and I have to find a way to strike balance between all my roles in order to be fulfilled and satisfied and not be neurotic and crazy. I'm a woman who has a personal relationship with Jesus; a wife, a mother, a lifegroup leader, a personal fitness & nutrition professional, a friend, household manager, I enjoy working out, and recently, I've come to love repurposing furniture and improving the interior design of my home. I also only have 24 hours in each day, 7 days per week, and 52 weeks per year.
Balance is important!!
Some of the ways I have found to strike balance include limiting my social media interaction time, as well as limiting my involvment. I have only a FB account. I don't Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or even use Pinterest anymore. I have to wake up early, know what my priorities are for the day, and be purposeful. Some days I'm an awesome mom. Some days, I'm an awesome lifegroup leader and wife and my mom role isn't as good as it could be. Some days, I'm focused on resting and recharging my batteries at home with Kenny and Kenna, and I let everything else slide until I'm ready to tackle it. Some days, I'm Wonder Woman and I do it all. (Coincidentally, those are the days I collapse into bed and hit snooze four times the next day.)
No matter what, though, I know what my priorities are each day: spending quiet time with Christ, spending purposeful quality time with Kenny and Kenna, and spending my one hour per day in my therapy, the gym. Depending on what's going on in life, I tend to cram a lot more in than just these few things, but these are the non-negotiables in my life.
Now that you have a little bit of understanding as to the balance of my life, I can explain why I've been posting less than regularly here.
I'm 9 days away from my second (and last) bodybuilding show of the year.
Prepping for a show is time-consuming. Training, cardio, posing, food prep, and all the little details that you have to sort out must be a priority. When you commit to a show, you commit to doing these things regardless of what life might throw at you. As a result, certain things in my life (like posting to this blog) have become less important to me than they were just a few short weeks ago.
In the past, I've always announced that I'm training for a show. I didn't this time, and I have several reasons as to why I didn't. First, I know several people in my church are uncomfortable or dislike my hobby. While I could not give two flips as to their opinion of me, I choose to be respectful of them and not flaunt my hobby in their faces. I also made the decision to compete in a different federation this go-round. I wanted to stay quiet about my decision until I'd informed my friends at the local NPC board, because I do have a long relationship with them.
My last two reasons to remain quiet are also the most important. I am FELICIA, who competes. I am NOT the COMPETITOR Felicia. I do not want to be defined by what I do. I also want people to know that you can do this with balance, and that it doesn't have to consume you. I have continued to eat healthy foods, have treats in moderation, and train consistently and intensely. It is my lifestyle. It is not a twelve week journey to the stage that strains relationships, restricts food groups, and causes my social life to become extinct.
The last reason I remained quiet about this prep is that I needed to have balance. In my quest to prepare for Team Universe earlier this year, I lost sight of everything but competing in the final three weeks. I was so focused on being incredible on stage and winning that I forgot about being incredible in the day-to-day moments. My relationships with my husband, daughter, friends, and yes...even Christ...they all suffered. Prep became my number one priority. My strained relationship with my husband, combined with a serious case of burnout from taking on too much, even caused me to step away from my lifegroup ladies for a few weeks. I stepped on stage in NJ looking better than I ever have in my life...but behind the hard body was a life that was less than ideal. I'm ashamed that I allowed myself to be so consumed by something so trivial, but I'm proud to say that this time, Christ has remained number one, followed closely by Kenny and Kenna, with everything else falling into place behind those top priorities.
As a result of my decision to prep in secret, this was the hardest prep of my life. Let me explain that: cardio and training and eating were easy. Not allowing prep to become number one, and retaining my priorities as they were before starting prep - THAT was hard.
I haven't been perfect this prep. I was as close to perfection as a human can possibly be in the Team U prep. I didn't miss a macro or give less than 110% in a training session. This time, I've been over on my macros and under a few times, too. I've been crunched for time in training, I've suffered injuries in training, and I've felt ho-hum at times about this show. I have made every effort to make progress, though, and to be consistent and committed to my goals, and I'm incredibly excited about the package I'm bringing to the NANBF St. Louis Gateway Naturals on October 5th. That hasn't stopped me, though, from feeling guilty about not "living to compete" these past 7 weeks or so.
Last Friday, during BFR training on leg day, I was reminded that I need Christ in my life. I need Him to make up the difference between what is expected of me and what I'm capable of. In some quiet time earlier this week, God spoke to me. He reassured me that my feelings of inadequacy and anxiety about being prepared to compete because I hadn't "lived for prep" were deceptive. I had done what He had asked of me. I lived my life with God first this time, and that is what matters. I needed Jesus more times than I can count in this prep, and because I've stayed close to him and kept him first, I've made it through in a way that has left my life full and blessed. Those guilty feelings have been laid to rest, and I'm feeling incredibly calm and ready to tackle a new stage and a new federation in just a few short days.
I can't promise you that I'll post between now and then. I can promise you, though, that I'll have some awesome photos and stories to share when I get back from STL. Until then...
TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR FAITH
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