I find myself using the phrase "let's be real" quite a bit. I hadn't really noticed until I started proof-reading blog posts, but once I noticed it...man, it irritated me. I spent some time thinking about that phrase - "let's be real" - and why I use it so frequently. In short, I've decided it's because most of the time, we aren't.
People put a lot of effort into being something other than what or who they are. They conceal themselves behind clothing, possessions, makeup, hobbies, careers, children, spouses - the list goes on and on. I used to be one of those people.
I didn't have many long-lasting relationships because I didn't want people to know me. I didn't think they'd like me, and I didn't want to be vulnerable. Getting to know people meant you could get hurt.
I was dishonest, more than I'd like to admit. I didn't want to be deceptive. I just wanted to be whatever you wanted me to be, even if it meant lying about who I was or what I'd done. It didn't matter if you eventually found out, because we wouldn't get close anyway. See the paragraph above on that one.
I hid myself behind lots of makeup because I was insecure and felt ugly inside. I thought if I was pretty on the outside, and I didn't let you get to know who I was inside, then I would be accepted. I used my job - an employee of the OCC, a division of the US Treasury - as a badge of honor. I was an Associate National Level Bank Examiner - really nothing more than bank police, but people thought working for the US Treasury was some big deal. I was a number-crunching paper pusher. But it made me feel important and worthy, and I found myself hiding my identity behind the title.
It took me a long time to be "real" with myself and with other people. It has both freed me and anchored me.
I will always keep it real with this blog. I will say things that you don't agree with and maybe, if I'm feeling really sassy, I will even offend you. I will reveal more about my life - how it's been less than roses and rainbows, the mistakes I've made, and the lessons I've learned. I don't know if you understand this, but putting yourself out there like that, exposing skeletons and showing just how messed up and in need of mercy and grace you are...that's scary stuff. That's the fear-inducing stuff that prevents us from being "real" with one another. You may not like me. You may not like the pictures I share, the views I have, or the points I make. You might criticize me, you might inwardly make hurtful jokes about me, you might talk poorly about me, and you may even think less of me.
I'm okay with that.
If I want others to be real, I have to be real, too.
I call myself a Christian. What I mean when I say that is literally this: I believe Jesus Christ is the risen Messiah, and that he died on the cross so that I might be saved. The Jewish law condemned me, but faith in Jesus Christ saves me.
What that means about how I act is that I should be "Christ-like". I should be merciful, loving, slow to anger and quick to forgive. My self-centered flesh forgets that sometimes, but I really strive to embody those traits. Will I ever fall short? Of course. If I was capable of living a perfect life, Jesus wouldn't have died on the cross.
At this point, I know you're wondering what any of this has to do with being real. Everything, actually.
Loving Jesus is easy. It's loving people that's hard. We are flesh, selfish, self-centered, and sinful. We will make mistakes and miss the mark. We are all fallible. Being around people who are missing the mark and screwing up makes it easy for that knee-jerk "judge" reaction to take place. It's only when we remember how Jesus would deal with us - mercifully, patiently, slow to anger and full of love - that it becomes easier to be real with one another. I love to show mercy to others because I know desperately I need it in my own life. I love to be patient because I know I need people to be patient with me.
If you're struggling with being real, remember - ultimately, it isn't about what any of the people on this earth think about you anyway. It is between you and God. It always was and it always will be.
If you're struggling with dealing with another person - someone you know well or intimately who has disappointed you, let you down, or missed the mark - remember that you've been there, too, and show them some mercy. Try not to judge them - Jesus himself said, "And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own?" (Matthew 7:3 NLT). I often find myself praying that I would see these people as God does, not for their mistakes and brokenness but for all their goodness. In the New Testament, Paul writes, "Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love" (Eph 4:2 NLT). I think that in these moments - when people have allowed us to be close enough to see all their faults and imperfections - that we should love them more BECAUSE of it, not IN SPITE of it.
Ultimately, being real with people freed me from loneliness and saved me from wandering. It has given me lasting relationships with people who love me when I screw up and who aren't afraid to let me see them stumble, too. I have embraced me for who I am, and I'm okay with the people who love me for that and with the people who don't. I have roots, and I'm growing into the woman God created me to be, one day and one learning experience at a time. It is scary, it leaves me vulnerable, but it also allows me to enjoy life to the fullest. You should give it a try. ;-)
Until next time...
TRAIN HARD - LIFT HEAVY - FUEL YOUR BODY - FEED YOUR SPIRIT
F
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